When I first set out to complete 100 days without alcohol, I imagined this day full of balloons and confetti.
Celebrating my success with lots of hoopla.
Espousing all my newfound wisdom sitting on top of a mountain.
The truth is, I don’t like to make a big fuss and draw attention to myself. The 100 Days of Sober Instagram page is so radically different than anything I’ve ever done because it does not mesh with my “I want to hide and be behind the scenes personality” - but I keep receiving notes that what I’m sharing is helpful. And that is why I continue to share bits and pieces of my journey.
And I’ve got to be honest. That feedback sets me on fire and ignites a flame inside of me. I love it. I received a note from a woman who said she stopped drinking because she saw herself in my posts - and that is such a humbling thing to receive.
Instead of celebrating, I’m reflecting. Reflecting on:
100 days of saying no to wine to squash (insert emotion here)
100 days of saying yes to exploring other ways to deal with (insert emotion, stress, celebration here)
100 days of saying yes to feeling all my emotions
100 days of saying yes to better sleep
100 days of saying no to overthinking or allowing someone else’s thoughts of me dictate what I choose to share
100 days of saying no to things that don’t serve me well
While I’m happy to be sitting here at 100 days, I can’t help but to think of the woman who is hungover in her kitchen right now, washing down Aleve with coffee.
If she’s anything like I was, she’s snapping at her kids and apologizing to her husband for the fight they had last night, while throwing away a bottle of Chardonnay from the fridge that surprisingly only has a spit of wine still in it.
“I didn’t mean to drink that much,” she thinks. “Today I will not drink at all,” she falsely promises herself until the stress gets to be too much and she decides to pour ‘just a smidge’ to take the edge off, only to repeat the whole damn cycle again.
I wrote a post at the 30-day mark - and everything in here still rings true. The books, the courses, the importance of accountability, the lies I told myself. Please read that to see some resources that I have found immensely helpful.
Here at 100 days, I have a little more insight to share that I promised at Day 30. This actually comes from recent conversations with people asking for advice.
One day at a time - I admit. I am as basic as they come. I’m a cliche. I like Pumpkin Spice Lattes and say shit like “one day at a time” - but I’ll tell you why this works for me. Just try saying “no” when it gets hard. Just for one day. And your brain will remember and say “oh I was able to do this yesterday” and try it again. It may take a few times to stick - but when have you ever been able to master something after just one try? Give yourself a break and keep at it. One day your brain will say “no more tomorrows” - try it today.
Change the way you look at alcohol - Did you ever have a friend, coworker or mentor that you thought was just so beautiful in every way? They could do no wrong. But then you learned a really awful story about them - about the way they treated people, or cheated loved ones or anything else truly awful? And then how did you look at them? Was it the same? You probably could never view them as the beauty they once were in your eyes. And that’s what I’m asking you to do with alcohol.
Decide you can - Just freaking believe in yourself and decide you can. No one can do this for you. No inspirational quote, meme or someone else’s success story is going to make you do something you don’t believe you can do in the first place. Decide you can. And then take little steps towards that goal. Don’t worry if you mess it up. Just start over. Believe in yourself. No one else will do this work for you.
I’ve started to view alcohol as a toxin. A carcinogen that is linked to a number of cancers. And a brain altering poison that makes me dizzy and fuzzy. It helps me to look at it that way instead. And if you are reading this looking for ideas, it may help you, too.
I’m sitting here in my kitchen writing this to you today. It’s calm and peaceful. I’m grateful and hopeful that perhaps someone else will be inspired. And I’m praying for all you strong souls out there who are disappointed in themselves again this morning - and perhaps feel they haven’t got it quite figured out. Guess what? Neither do I! Just still taking it day by day. xoxo Kim
P.S. Life is still not 100% perfect. It never will be. During this post, the dog has thrown up and escaped out the backyard. At least I’m not running after him down the streets hungover right? :)