Admittedly while I'm writing this, I'm having a sudden pang to drink. A bloody mary, a beer, a cocktail. Maybe because I'm packing for the beach and that is always what beach trips entail? Maybe because I have two weeks under my belt and am now suddenly hearing a voice saying, "you can do this! It's not that bad."
But alternatively I know that I lose three things when I drink. They are:
And I need those things desperately. One of the things I have learned is to "think through the drink" - think about sipping on the bloody mary, think about numbing out and then think through the shit sleep, the low self esteem and disappointment the next day. So I will stay strong. But day 2 of #thesober30 calls for us to answer how I want to show up in this world and why.
We aren't on this earth very long. I'm afraid of not making a mark before I leave this earth. For not being as peaceful as possible. Kind. Generous. Helpful. Loving. I lose all good features when I drink so I can't go there.
So this is what I need - courage, clarity and confidence to try to make a small positive difference for someone out there. And that's how I'm going to show up.